How to End Things With Your Therapist (The Healthy Way)

Ever sat in therapy feeling like your therapist just doesn’t “get you”? Maybe you’re not seeing the changes you hoped for, or something feels off. You’re definitely not alone. Ending therapy can feel as awkward as breaking up with someone or quitting a job. You’ve shared personal stuff and put time into the process.

But knowing when to move on can be a sign of growth, not failure. Whether you’ve outgrown your current setup, need something more specialized, or just aren’t clicking with your therapist, making this choice shows you’re paying attention to your needs.

When therapy isn’t working

Progress in therapy looks different for everyone, but you should notice some positive changes within the first few months. Research shows that the relationship between you and your therapist (called “therapeutic alliance”) consistently predicts positive outcomes across different types of therapy. This bond is built on trust, respect, and understanding. Most people can tell if they click with a therapist within the first several sessions.

If sessions start to feel like you’re just going through the motions, conversations get repetitive, or you’re not learning anything new, trust your instincts. It’s also worth honestly asking whether this therapeutic relationship is helping you reach your therapy goals. Studies show that dropout rates in therapy range from about 19-46%, and that’s totally normal.

Ask yourself these questions, and keep in mind that therapy involves some discomfort (especially when working on difficult topics):

• Am I consistently skipping or dreading appointments?

• Do I leave sessions feeling more hopeful and equipped, or frustrated and stuck?

• Am I learning practical tools that help outside of therapy?

• Do I feel challenged but supported?

• Am I actually using what I learn between sessions?

• Has anything changed in my daily life or relationships?

Figure out what you need

Before deciding how to move forward, get clear on your situation:

You might want to talk with your current therapist first if:

• You generally trust them, but feel stuck or like progress has stalled

• Sessions feel repetitive or lack clear direction

• Something feels off, but you can’t quite pinpoint what

• You’re willing to have a direct conversation about what’s not working (these moments, called alliance ruptures, can lead to real breakthroughs)

• There are no serious concerns about boundaries, safety, or professionalism

You might need a different therapist if:

• Your therapist crosses boundaries or acts unprofessionally

• You need someone with specialized training for your specific issues (i.e., eating disorders, ADHD, trauma, substance use disorder)

• You want to explore a different type of therapy

• Your communication styles clash, making progress difficult

• You’ve given it enough time but still feel stuck on important issues

You might be ready to end therapy if:

• You’ve reached your main goals

• You feel confident managing life challenges on your own using the tools and strategies you’ve learned

• You want to take a break and possibly return later

• You’ve developed strong coping skills and support systems outside of therapy

Common reasons for making changes

Not making progress

After a few months of consistent sessions, you’re still stuck in the same patterns. Your goals aren’t clear, sessions feel repetitive, and you’re not growing. Sometimes this means you need a different approach or someone new. Progress doesn’t always look like big breakthroughs, but rather smaller changes in how you handle stress or communicate with others.

Can’t be real with them

“Opening up to a therapist isn’t always easy,” admits Ashley Goodwin, licensed clinical social worker. But honesty is essential for therapy to work. If, after giving the relationship time to develop, you’re still holding back your true thoughts and feelings, this might not be the right fit for you. You should feel safe enough to share difficult emotions, embarrassing thoughts, or painful memories.

Poor match

Sometimes, you and your therapist just don’t work well together, or your communication styles just don’t mesh. Maybe they use approaches that don’t resonate with you, or their pace and style feel uncomfortable. Or you like to take things slow, but they push too hard. There can also be deeper issues, like if your therapist doesn’t understand your identity, culture, or life experiences.

For example, they might not have experience with LGBTQIA+ topics, dismiss your experiences with racism or discrimination, or misunderstand your cultural background. Research published in American Psychological Association (APA) journals have shown that 53-81% of clients have experienced microaggressions while in therapy. If you don’t feel heard or understood, it’s okay to find someone who does.

Needs have changed

Your needs may have shifted, or you’ve realized you need someone with specific skills. Research suggests that people often do better with therapists who have experience with their specific concerns, like PTSD and trauma, neurodivergence (ADHD, autism), or other specialized areas. You might have started therapy for anxiety but realize you also need help with relationship issues or discovered underlying trauma that needs specialized care.

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Life changes

Sometimes it’s for practical reasons: financial concerns, insurance changes (for example, you or a spouse lost a job, or your company updated coverage), scheduling conflicts, or moving. These aren’t personal failures, just real-life circumstances. If cost is a concern, many therapists offer sliding scale fees. Check out our article on affordable therapy options for more information. Other life changes might include relationship or career changes, becoming a caregiver for a loved one, becoming a parent, or other major health changes. These transitions can change what kind of support you need. 

You’ve grown

You might have simply outgrown your current therapeutic relationship. Maybe you’re ready for group therapy, coaching, or self-guided work. This can be a sign that therapy works in building your confidence and self-awareness. 

Red flags: when to leave ASAP

Most therapists maintain good boundaries and ethics, but these situations need immediate action:

Crossing boundaries

• Sharing too much about their personal life

• Making inappropriate comments

• Suggesting anything romantic or sexual

Feeling unsafe: 

• You always leave sessions feeling worse, judged, or misunderstood

• You feel shame for your thoughts, feelings, or experiences

• You feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them

Being unprofessional: 

• Often late, canceling frequently, seeming distracted during sessions

• Not remembering important things about you or your situation

• Taking phone calls or checking their phone during your session

Cultural insensitivity: 

• Dismissing your identity, experiences with discrimination, or trauma

• Making assumptions about your culture, religion, or background

• Using language that feels offensive or not respecting your values

No direction: 

• Sessions feel random with no clear plan or goals

• You never discussed what you want to achieve in therapy

• No sense of progress or movement toward anything

Inappropriate pressure: 

• Pushing you toward decisions you’re not comfortable with

• Pressuring you to cut off family or friends when you don’t want to

• Making you feel guilty for not following their advice

If you’re experiencing any of these issues, trust your instincts and put your well-being first. If needed, you can also contact your state’s licensing board to file a complaint. 

How to start the conversation

In-person approach

The anticipation before ending therapy is often worse than the actual talk. Most therapists expect these conversations and handle them professionally. Try starting with:

• “I’ve been thinking about my progress, and I’m wondering if it might be time to try something else.”

• “I’ve appreciated working with you, but I don’t feel like we’re the right fit. I think I’d benefit from a different approach.”

• “I came into therapy with specific goals, and I feel like I’ve reached a good place. I’m thinking about wrapping up.”

Your therapist may ask you about your reasons without taking it personally, help you think it through, discuss other options, and support your decision if ending feels right. 

Email route

Email works when the relationship wasn’t super supportive, was short, you don’t feel safe, trust was broken, or face-to-face feels too overwhelming. You can adapt these email templates to fit your situation:

Financial changes

Hello [Therapist],

Due to financial changes, I need to stop our sessions. I’ve appreciated your support over the past [timeframe]. Please take me off your schedule.

Thanks, 

[Your name]

Not the right fit

Hello [Therapist], 

After thinking about it, I’ve decided to find a therapist who is more aligned with my current goals. You’ve been helpful, but I’m looking for something different. Please cancel future appointments. 

Thanks, 

[Your name]

Taking a break

Hello [Therapist],

I’ve decided I need to work on some things on my own before continuing therapy. I’d like to pause and might reach out when I’m ready. Please cancel my scheduled sessions.

Thanks, 

[Your name]

Need different specialization

Hello [Therapist], 

I’ve realized I need to work with someone who specializes in [trauma/ADHD/eating disorders/etc.]. While I’ve appreciated our work together, I think this change will better serve my needs. Please cancel my scheduled appointments. 

Thanks, 

[Your name]

Switching to a new therapist

Be direct about what you need. Tell your current therapist, “I think I need someone who specializes in trauma,” or “I’d like to try a different type of therapy like EMDR or DBT.”

Ask for referrals. Most therapists are happy to help you find someone better suited to your needs. They know other professionals and can suggest people with the right skills.

Get your records transferred. This prevents starting completely over. Ask your current therapist to send relevant information to your new one so they’ll understand your history and progress.

Consider meeting both for a bit. If possible, have one session with a new therapist before ending with your current one, just to make sure the new fit feels right. This can help with the transition and reduce anxiety about starting over.

5 ways to maintain your progress with a new therapist

1. Write a therapy summary for yourself

Before meeting the new therapist, write down your biggest insights, the techniques that worked, the patterns you’ve noticed, and the goals you want to continue working on. This helps you speak up for what you need.

2. Be specific about what worked and what didn’t

Give your new therapist concrete examples. “CBT techniques helped my anxiety, especially challenging negative thoughts, but I need someone who can also help with trauma,” or “I learned great coping skills, but never felt comfortable with my last therapist.”

3. Don’t start over emotionally

You don’t need to retell your whole life story. Focus on what matters for your current goals. Trust that your new therapist can work where you are now, not where you were when you first started therapy.

4. Give the relationship time to develop

It can take a few sessions to get a feel for a new therapist’s style and to establish genuine trust. Don’t expect to be as comfortable right away as you were after months with your previous therapist. 

5. Use what you’ve learned

Apply the emotional regulation, communication, and self-awareness skills you already have to handle this change. The switch itself is an opportunity to apply what you’ve learned.

What to expect starting over

Most people work with several therapists throughout their lives as their needs change. What you need at 25 might be totally different from what helps at 35 or 45. Changing therapists is normal and healthy.

Your new therapist will most likely ask about your previous therapy experiences—what worked, what didn’t, and what you hope to accomplish. Be ready to speak up for yourself based on what you learned about your needs.

The first few sessions might feel like you’re going backward, but this is normal. You’re building a new relationship and helping your therapist understand your situation.

Ending therapy completely

Whether you’re ready to graduate from therapy for good or just need to take a break for a while, this section covers ending your current therapeutic relationship without immediately switching to someone new.

Planning your final session

A termination session in therapy is the final session between you and your therapist, marking the formal end of the therapeutic relationship. You can use the final session(s) to:

• Talk through the decision together and reflect on your progress

• Make a plan for taking care of your mental health on your own

• Address any unfinished concerns or explore any feelings about ending

• Discuss when returning to therapy might make sense in the future

• Celebrate your growth and acknowledge the work you’ve done

4 ways to maintain your progress after ending therapy

1. Check in with yourself regularly

Set a weekly or monthly calendar reminder to ask: “How am I doing emotionally? What patterns am I noticing? Am I using my coping skills?” Write down what you notice in a mental health journal or notes app.

2. Keep using what you’ve learned

If your therapist taught you breathing exercises for anxiety or using cold spoons to regulate yourself, keep practicing them. If you learned to challenge negative thoughts with CBT techniques, continue that internal work. 

3. Stay connected to your support network

Regularly reach out to trusted friends or family. Consider joining support groups, maintaining relationships with people who understand your mental health journey, or participating in community activities that support your well-being.

4. Keep a “therapy tool kit”

Write down or create a collage of your biggest breakthrough moments, coping strategies that work for you, affirmations that resonate, or exercises that help when you’re struggling. Refer back to it when you need reminders of your growth.

When to consider returning to therapy

Big life changes: Moving to a new city or town, starting or ending a long-term relationship, becoming a caregiver for a loved one, leaving a religion or spiritual community, facing a major health change, becoming a parent, or experiencing a major financial shift

New challenges: Struggling with work stress, navigating big life decisions, managing parenting or caregiving demands, coping with unexpected conflict, dealing with loss or grief, or facing discrimination or trauma

Old patterns returning: Anxiety, depression, or relationship conflicts coming back, feeling stuck in old habits, noticing previous coping strategies no longer work, or finding yourself using unhealthy ways to cope

Continued growth: Wanting to improve communication, increase self-awareness, explore identity or values, or building emotional strength, working on specific relationships, or prepare for major life transitions

Going back to therapy later doesn’t mean failure. Life throws new challenges, and seeking support when you need it is self-care, not going backward. 

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Managing all the feels

It’s totally normal to feel guilty, anxious, or even sad about ending therapy, whether you’re switching, taking a break, or stopping altogether. You’re closing an important chapter in your life. Some people worry about hurting their therapist’s feelings, but remember, this is their job, and they truly want what’s best for you.

“The ending of a therapeutic relationship is always bittersweet,” says Maya Nehru, LMFT. “If a client graduates out of therapy, it's a moment to celebrate AND it's difficult saying goodbye. As a therapist, I develop a genuinely meaningful relationship with every client, so it's a profound feeling to witness a client's growth and their empowered choice to stop therapy, and I do grieve the loss of the relationship as well.”

You could reframe your thinking: Instead of “I’m abandoning someone who helped me,” try “I’m applying what I’ve learned to make healthy decisions about my care.” 

Processing different emotions

If the ending feels good:

• Write about what you’ve learned and your hopes for the future

• Make a timeline of your progress to celebrate your growth

• Create a plan for taking care of your mental health

• Share your successes with supportive friends or family

If the ending feels hard:

• Write a goodbye letter, you don’t send to process your feelings

• Let yourself cry or feel disappointed—it’s normal

• Talk to a trusted friend who understands therapy relationships

• Use calming techniques to ground yourself

Nehru explains from a therapist's point of view, “If a therapeutic relationship ends because the client feels it's not a good fit, it can definitely feel like a rejection. Like in life, some rejections hit harder than others, but it's all a part of the experience of being a helping professional, so that's what I ground myself in.”

If you feel confused:

• Make a list of the pros and cons of your therapy experience

• Spend time in places that feel safe and comforting

• Consider talking with another therapist for perspective

• Write about your mixed feelings without judging them

• Give yourself time to process

Your rights as a client

You have the right to:

• End therapy anytime for any reason

• Give honest feedback about your experience

• Ask for referrals for different types of care

• Get copies of your records

• Have your therapist respond respectfully and professionally to your decision

• Choose not to explain your reasons for leaving

Moving forward

Making changes in your therapy journey takes courage. We are naturally wired to want connection and belonging, so choosing to end a therapeutic relationship, even when it’s not helping, goes against our instincts.

Remember that therapy is about you. Focus on what’s best for your mental health and what you need to keep growing. A successful end to therapy isn’t about never needing help again. It’s about having the tools and self-awareness to handle life better.

Whether you’re graduating from therapy, finding a better fit, or taking a break, handling these conversations helps everyone. Trust yourself, honor your growth, and remember that getting the right kind of help is always a sign of strength. 

The fact that you’re reading this shows you’re actively working on your mental health. That’s something to feel good about, no matter where it leads.

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