The Quarter Life Crisis Is Real. Here’s How to Get Through It.

Midlife crises typically get all the hype in the media — cue the red sports cars, questionable hair decisions, and impulsive decision making — but what about the quarter life crisis, which is just as messy and confusing (minus sports cars, because we can’t afford them).

We spend our childhoods wishing we were “grown-ups” and our teen years wishing we were older, convinced that being an adult means being free. Then, we grow up and realize adult life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. We learn that working a 9-to-5 usually means still answering emails at 9 PM, office life often feels soul-crushing, and rent is astronomical even for apartments the size of a shoebox. Why is life so hard?!

If you’re going through a quarter life crisis right now, you’re not alone. One survey found that 75% of 25 to 33-year-olds have experienced a quarter life crisis (not sure what the other 25% was up to, but we’d like to know their secrets). 

So, if you’re feeling stuck, confused, or like you’re the only one who doesn’t have your sh*t together, you’re not broken, you’re just human — and many Gen Z-ers (and millennials) are in the same shoes as you right now.

We’re breaking down what a quarter life crisis really is, what contributes to it, and, most importantly, what you can do to navigate this transformational time in early adulthood.

What is a quarter life crisis?

So, what exactly is going on during this time? We spoke to two mental health professionals to break it down.

“A quarter life crisis generally refers to a period of uncertainty and anxiety in young adulthood, around the mid twenties to thirties,” says licensed clinical social worker Madeline Weinfeld Shill. “It’s common for people to feel overwhelmed by this life stage as it tends to be a time filled with endless decisions that all feel very consequential on one's life trajectory.”

It’s no wonder we’re overwhelmed — we’re expected to make some major life choices as young adults. We’re supposed to pick a career path, build financial stability, find a life-long partner, and maybe even start a family…all at once. And if you’re thinking about having kids someday, that biological clock doesn’t exactly stop ticking (UGH).

You can also view the quarter life crisis as an existential crisis, says licensed clinical social worker Abby Wilson. “An existential crisis is when someone’s wrestling with questions like, ‘Who am I?’” she says. “Maybe they're experiencing self-loss or struggling with their identity — they don't know who they are, or have made decisions that have led them to betray themselves or abandon themselves in the process.”

This kind of inner turmoil can lead to intense soul searching, emotional distress, and decision paralysis. You might feel stuck between who you thought you'd be at this age and who you actually are, unsure how to bridge the gap or where to turn next. 

What are the signs of a quarter life crisis?

Not sure if you’re in full-blown quarter life crisis mode? Here are some signs that you might be: 

• You feel stressed and anxious. A quarter life crisis is notoriously full of stress. Fear of the unknown and looming decisions can weigh on you, causing spiraling thoughts and persistent anxiety. 

• You feel depressed. You might feel very overwhelmed by existential questioning and feel disconnected in your day-to-day life when you don’t know who you are or what you value, leading to feelings of depression, Wilson says. Not to mention, the average onset of major depressive disorder, AKA major depression, is the mid-twenties. 

• You’re lacking fulfillment. You might wake up one day and realize that you just aren’t fulfilled. Wilson says you may have done everything you believed you were “supposed” to do, or you have success in certain areas, but you lack a sense of meaning or purpose.

• You’re asking yourself existential questions. You may be asking yourself important questions, like “Who am I? What do I want out of life? How do I get there, or how do I discover that?” Wilson explains. These questions aren’t easy to answer.

• You’re afraid of failure. During this time where major career and life decisions are being made, you might feel a crippling fear of “failure” — making the wrong choices or not succeeding at your dream job. 

What are the contributing factors to a quarter life crisis?

Countless factors contribute to a quarter life crisis, which can make it feel all-consuming. Here are some of the common ones: 

Being on your own path for the first time 

Ever since you were in kindergarten, you were likely on the same path as your peers, going into elementary, middle, high school, and often college. Next steps were already laid out for you, and no major decisions were necessary. Now that you’re a young adult with adult responsibilities, you need to make your own choices. There’s no set path, and you and your peers you’ve known for ages aren’t on the same track for the first time in your life, Weinfeld Shill says.

Seeing people on a different path from you 

On that note, it can feel stressful when it feels like you’re following a path that’s very different from your peers — such as if all your friends are getting married and you’re single and focusing on your career, or vice versa, Weinfeld Shill says. This can easily make you question your own choices.

Constant comparisons

Social media doesn’t help. It’s not just seeing your friends on different paths — it’s seeing what everyone else is doing, including acquaintances, influencers, your ex, and yes, your ex’s new partner. It’s easy to look at pictures or videos and feel like everyone else has their life figured out while you’re stuck in limbo. This comparison trap can further fuel those feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and self-doubt. Even if you’re proud of your choices, it’s easy to start second-guessing them.

Societal expectations

Society often sets a timeline for adulthood — settle down by the time you’re in your thirties, hit certain career milestones, buy a house, and have it “all figured out.” When your reality doesn’t match that (super unrealistic) narrative, it’s easy to feel like you’re behind, even if you're not.

Family expectations

If you come from a traditional family, they may expect you to get married and start a family of your own by a certain age, which can put a lot of pressure on you, especially if you aren’t sure if you want these things at all, let alone on someone else’s timeline (i.e. your parents who won’t stop asking you when they will be grandparents). 

Financial instability

Many young adults face low pay rates, student loan debt, inflation, and rising housing costs, all while trying to establish a life. This financial uncertainty can make long-term planning feel impossible, especially when you’re living from paycheck to paycheck, which adds yet another layer of stress and anxiety. 

How can you cope with a quarter life crisis?

Okay – so now that you know you’re in quarter life crisis mode, what’s a twenty or thirty-something to do? Here are seven ways to cope.

1. Slow down and connect with yourself 

“In modern society, so many of us are just rushing through our days and rushing through life, and we don't take time to slow down or to connect with ourselves,” Wilson says. “In order to have a relationship with ourselves and to know ourselves, we have to have space for that.”

She recommends taking even just ten minutes at the end of your day, while you’re winding down, to reflect on your day and ask yourself what you liked about it, what you didn’t like, and what felt pleasant or meaningful. This is an opportunity to develop and strengthen a relationship with yourself, getting to know yourself more. It’s also a great chance to start a journaling practice to keep track of this.

2. Reframe the way you view your quarter life crisis

Although quarter life crises can definitely suck, yours doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Use this as an opportunity to challenge yourself and reframe your thoughts, turning a negative into a positive. “Seeing it as an opportunity to rediscover your vitality, what really makes you feel alive, can be very exciting, even though it's not an easy or comfortable process,” Wilson says. 

“This is an exciting time! You have endless options in front of you, and you can learn from everything you do,” Weinfeld Shill says. “If you love it, that's great to know, and if you don't love it, that's equally important in guiding future decision making.”

3. Put yourself out there

Now that you know this is an opportunity for personal growth, it’s about more than just talking about what inspires you – you have to go out and do it. So get out of your comfort zone and try new things, whether that’s joining a club, learning a new skill, taking a class, or going to a speed dating event. You never know what could happen, what you might learn, or who you could meet. 

4. Know this isn't the only time for change

Society may make it seem like this is the time for major change — but it isn't the only one. “Remember that there will continue to be opportunities to make decisions and change course, so what you do today does not need to feel like it is what you will do forever,” Weinfeld Shill says. Realistically, adults can make major life pivots at any time, not just in their twenties and early thirties.

5. Step away from social media

Comparison is the thief of joy. Especially if you’re struggling with depression or severe anxiety, social media will only make things worse — so quit the doom scrolling. Unplug and use that extra offline time to connect with people in real life, or even just connect with yourself on a deeper level. 

6. Remember to have fun

A lot of times, we take life too seriously. Yes — life is serious. But you also have to remember, life is short, so be silly, have fun, and don't be afraid to embarrass yourself. Give yourself permission to laugh, make mistakes, be imperfect, and enjoy the process.

7. Work with a therapist 

Working with a therapist is one of the best ways to cope with an existential crisis like this, says Wilson. A therapist can help you cope with stress and uncertainty, decide what’s most important to you, empower you to set goals, and get your mental health back on track. You may want to opt for a therapist who works with young adults and has experience helping people with quarter life crises. 

Plus, if you’re experiencing a lot of anxiety and/or depression (or dealing with any other mental health condition), a therapist can help you work through that, as well. 

How Project Healthy Minds can support you through your quarter life crisis

We know getting through this time isn’t easy — and we have plenty of mental health services to help you get through your twenties, thirties, or any other stage of life where you feel overwhelmed.  

Whether you’re looking for digital self-care tools like meditation apps to help you slow down or professional therapy to help you navigate your mental health journey, we can help you discover the services that are best for you. 

You don’t have to figure it all out today, but you don’t have to go through it alone, either. With the right support, you’ll feel more grounded and ready to take on your next chapter in life — whatever that may be.